Chuck Vs Panic
by unimaginative pseudonym
Summary: Faced with everything she wants Sarah panics. What consequences will result. Warning Dark fic.
1. Chapter 1

A/N Takes place AU post 2.18 since 2.20 would kinda make it null and void. thanks to Tshdow for the beta. Warned again not a happy go lucky fic.

* * *

**Chuck Vs Panic**

After months of dedication it had finally happened. All his hard work everything he'd strived for. Agent Carmichael a proper spy. No longer shirking his fate rather embracing it.

"Congrats Chuck, you deserve it" Casey said, winked and then left. Leaving him alone with Sarah.

Sarah was the motivating factor behind his decision. She seemed slightly shocked at this turn of events, which didn't really make much sense as he hadn't hidden his training from her.

"Chuck I'm shocked! I didn't think you wanted to become an agent."

"I was sick of being useless, plus it has other perks."

"Such as?"

"Would you like to go out with me Sarah Walker?" Chuck said with a smile.

Sarah was still reeling, she hadn't really comprehended what had happened and the repercussions involved. She could date Chuck if she wanted to now but was she willing to go there. With no more excuses, she'd have to actually let him in and it terrified her.

"Sarah?" Chuck inquired, his hands fidgeting nervously.

"I'm sorry Chuck but I still am your protector." She said, groping desperately for a way out.

"Bullshit!"

"What?" Sarah was stunned. Chuck never cursed.

"I said Bullshit Sarah. I'm your partner now not just your responsibility. I won't deny your the better agent but the dynamic of our relationship has changed and that excuse isn't gonna cut it."

"Chuck, even if you don't need 24 hour protection, you still need protection."

"If you want I'll ask Beckman but she was pretty clear I'm an agent now not an asset. I thought you would be thrilled. Isn't this what you wanted, too?"

Was it what she wanted? She'd never let anyone get as close to her as Chuck but the people she loved always left her. Her Mother, her Father ….. She'd survived them but could she survive losing Chuck? She didn't think so, but why did he have to go change things. She never really thought he'd go through with becoming an agent.

Not knowing what else to do, she steeled herself and pushed. "No thanks, I'm not interested" she said, her voice cool and detached.

Chuck's eyes widened, his mouth gaped open, he looked in shock! "Sarah, I don't understand."

He never could leave things alone. "I'm not interested in dating you. Surely an agent should be able to understand that or do I still need to hold your hand." she responded sarcastically.

Chuck flinched as if he'd just been slapped. "Sarah" he implored, his voice breaking slightly. His face tightening as he regained control "what do you mean Sarah? After everything we've been through, I thought I meant something to you, that we had something."

God this was hard but he'd leave her, they always left. She had to protect herself. Over the 3 years they'd spent together, he'd shared every facet of himself with her. His hopes, his dreams, his fears and she knew his insecurities, his weaknesses. The places where she could hurt him the most and she lashed out ripping into him.

"Me love you, please. Some nerd earning eleven dollars an hour working in a Buy More. You actually thought someone like me could ever fall for a loser like you?" she said her voice laced with scorn.

He recoiled from her onslaught, backing away. She felt a need to comfort him but she stifled it, funneling the emotion into rage instead, as she advanced on him. Letting Agent Walker take full control, shutting down her feelings for him.

This wasn't happening. This wasn't his Sarah, his mind grasped for proof she cared for him, that it hadn't been a lie. "The 49B, you were almost reassigned because of your feelings for me." He said in a rush, desperately grasping at this faint hope.

She laughed "49B" she parroted, mocking him. "Please I set that up, I couldn't take anymore of your emotional bullshit, I was about to hurl. Took you forever to man up as well. The love of your life being taken away and I have to actually save your pathetic ass before your willing to stand up for me. You disgust me your so weak."

His back was up against the wall, his body hunched as he shrunk into himself after every verbal blow she struck. "Sarah pleases stop. I love you." he whispered.

She loomed over him "Like you loved Jill? Seriously, your pathetic. The way you pine after the girl who broke your heart for 5 years. Then she pops back into your life for a second and you fall over yourself to get back together with her. Pathetic. She probably was with Bryce for months before he finally got around to framing you. I Bet that was a giant relief for her, easy way to get your pathetic self out of her life. I'll give her credit though, Bryce is awfully good in the sack. You know he still stops by from time to time when he's in town, Cole too. I can't tell you how satisfying it is to have a good fuck after listening to your dribble day in and day out. You really think you could satisfy me like Bryce or Cole? You aren't even in there league."

He was actually crying now, curled up in a ball desperately praying for it to stop "Well at least I don't have to put up with your crap anymore. For the love of god, your an agent now toughen up. You make me sick." With that she left.

She felt a sense of satisfaction as she drove home, she'd left him now he couldn't leave her, she was safe. Going up to her apartment Agent Walker turned off her phone and collapsed onto her bed and slept. Mission accomplished.

Chuck lay huddled in a ball rocking aimlessly for nearly an hour. Had he really misread her that badly? God, he really was pathetic wasn't he. She was right, he'd been a fool. How could he have deluded himself into thinking she could possibly care for him. Chuck Bartowski was a pathetic loser. It was time to end it.


	2. Chapter 2

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**Chuck Vs Panic part 2  
**

Sarah awoke with a start her entire body shaking. She'd had a nightmare someone was hurting Chuck. She could still see the look of pain on his face as he tried to retreat into himself, to hide. She shook her head to clear her mind of the disturbing image. "Just a nightmare" she murmured to herself.

Shower, she needed a shower. Stepping into the show, she let the warm water wash away the terror and tension as she let her thoughts drift. She froze suddenly, a look of shock and horror on her face. It wasn't a nightmare, it was a memory. Dear god, it was her. What had she done! What could she have possibly done to make Chuck look like that.

Bolting out of the still running shower, she tipped her purse open on her bed quickly finding her phone. Hitting speed dial one, she waited. Naked, dripping, listening to the phone ring and ring. What could she possibly have said to him. Her memory was like a silent film. She couldn't remember. Damn it, why couldn't she remember.

His voice. "Sorry had to leave on short notice. I'm not sure when I'll next be back in the country or be able to check these messages. So it's probably best not to leave one. Hope it wasn't urgent."

Gone? he couldn't be gone. Pulling up his watch tracking function, it showed him at home. If he was planning on leaving, he hadn't left yet there was still time. Throwing on something, she rushed down stairs.

* * *

Time to start fresh. Entering the password he got in touch with Beckman.

"Agent Carmichael? I didn't expect to hear from you so soon. Have you flashed?"

"No General, remember several months ago when you asked about my willingness to operate internationally? I've reconsidered."

A look of avarice flickered on Beckman's face "Yes, if I remember you were quite opposed to it, what's changed."

"It's not important but if you're willing to meet a few of my requests, I would consider doing it full time."

"What requests?"

"It happens tonight, I want a new life starting immediately. I want to be out of the country in 6 hours with a whole new set up, new partners, new everything. I'll report to you but apart from that, I'll be completely off grid."

"We can make that work, any location in particular to start with?"

"As long as I'm gone within 6 hours that's fine."

"Shall I inform your handlers?"

"Yes you can inform them tomorrow, I want a fresh start. Although I appreciate what they've done for me, the team's dynamic has shifted and I'm not sure they will be able to adjust to me taking a more active role."

"Okay. I'll call you shortly with you flight number and everything you need will be at the airport. Beckman out."

Chuck paused, copying some information to a disk before leaving.

* * *

Sarah's manic drive to his home left her no time to think about what had happened. Checking her phone again, she saw he was still there. Bursting through the front door, she ignored the startled looks Ellie and Devon gave her, her intent on only one thing. A quick dash down the hall and she threw open his door.

She crumbled to her knees letting out a wail, he was gone. His watch sitting prominently by the computer. Gone, what could she possibly do now.

"Sarah are you okay?" Devon inquired concerned.

Turning, she saw Ellie's cold visage as she took in Sarah's distraught appearance, morph first into confusion then compassion. "Where is he?" Sarah inquired her voice trembling.

"He came by last night to say goodbye. Said he'd had a job offer as a software programmer in Europe and had to leave for an interview immediately. We thought it was kind of sudden so I asked what was gonna happen to the two of you, if he took the job. He said you had already ended it." She finished accusingly.

Her mind raced. Had Chuck run for it? Beckman would have him killed if he did that. She needed to find him now. Completely ignoring Ellie and Devon again, she dashed for her car. At the Castle she could do a proper computer search, maybe she could still find him in time.

Arriving at the Castle, she quickly went downstairs and stopped suddenly as she took in the scene. Casey was packing up files and folders.

He turned around and let out a grunt. "Took you long enough to get here Walker. I thought I'd have to pack up all by myself." He didn't sound particularly happy.

"What are you doing Casey?" Her voice shaking with anger. Had Chuck already been killed. Pulling her gun she leveled it at him "Did you hurt Chuck?"

Casey turned back to her and froze. She could see his mind working, trying to process all the conflicting data. "What the hell Walker. We've been reassigned, check your bloody phone. Beckman called an hour or so ago." he retorted.

Keeping an eye on Casey, she flicked through her phones 2 messages. Playing the most recent one.

"Agent Walker, this is General Beckman. You are hereby relieved from your position as Agent Carmichael's partner effective immediately. You are expected to return to Langley within 48 hours for reassignment, after supervising the clean up of the operation."

Sarah dropped the phone letting it hit the floor with a clatter, why now? Absently putting away her gun, she descended the stairs and started typing in the codes for Beckman's office. Ignoring Casey completely. Almost instantly Beckman appeared on screen "Is there a problem with the clean up Agent Walker?"

"Where is Chuck?"

Beckman's face tightened slightly but remained impassive. "Agent Carmichael has been reassigned to a different team and his location is need to know."

"Why was he reassigned?" Sarah demanded.

"At his request agent Walker."

Sarah was stunned, this couldn't be true? Chuck wouldn't leave her like this.

Beckman continued "If there is nothing more I'll be going."

"How do I know you haven't placed him in a bunker" Sarah accused. The or worse going unsaid.

Beckman's eye bulged "I resent the implication Agent Walker! His request should be available in Castle's surveillance archive so feel free to verify it, Beckman out."

The screen went blank. Sarah looked at Casey for confirmation.

"I pulled it up earlier, he requested the new team." Seeing her stunned face, he let out an incredulous laugh. "You have to be kidding right? You're surprised after the way you ripped into him yesterday? I'm just glad I don't have to clean his brains off the wall."

Sarah's face still seemed shocked. "Maybe this will refresh your memory." he said pulling up footage.

Her own voice echoed hollowly though the Castle, cold, harsh, devoid of all emotions save scorn.

"Me love you, please. Some nerd earning eleven dollars an hour working in a Buy More. You actually thought someone like me could ever fall for a loser like you."

Sarah felt her knees give way as she collapsed. Her silent film finally given sound. Her accusations ringing loudly in her head with every cruel thing she'd said to him. Every unforgivable word. She hadn't just rejected him, she'd crushed him. His faith and trust in her had left him so horribly exposed and she had attacked mercilessly. Every blow hitting further and further below the belt.

He hadn't left her. By the time she'd finished with him, there wasn't anything left of Chuck Bartowski to leave.

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A/N My apologies to those who came seeking Charah but you were warned :). On the plus side i'm working on something else. R&R.

Additional some people have commented about the open endedness of it and wondering why there isn't more. Simply put Chuck is gone, What happens afterwards is likely to be a sequel taking place at some as yet undefined point in the future. As noted above i'm currently working on something else and when I originaly wrote the piece it was meant as a one shot. However it is likely i'll expand on it in the future. Main issue being any expansion would require some form of creativity from me and that's being channeled elsewhere right now, but lighting can strike at any time (crosses fingers) It's late and I have the uncomfortable feeling I'm rambling so night folks.


End file.
